You all are welcome

I dream ....
I dream of having a green house of my own since many many years! So one night i dream about my green house with hybrid roses, gerberas, exotic vegetables, baby corns, cherry tomatoes etc. I nuture them from morning and toil in my green house throughout the day.....and when ripe pick them carefully, wrap them and sell them and exchange all this with crisp notes...Wow!!! Hardwork but it pays. Apart from the physical labour one has to ensure that birds and other insects are kept out of the greenhouse, the humidity set right and water given in the right proportion. When you get such good returns you have to take care of all this and be a bit selfish...its a part of the game. So what, the world does it...and so do I !!!!.

I roll over to the other side as i sleep and continue my dream....a sparrow accidentally enters the shed and is pecking at some flower....the watchman rather my helper immediately runs to shoo it off....as the shed is closed from all sides the sparrow cant fly out...its scared now, but somehow gets a chance to fly out....How irritating this little beast is..i say....(is it me saying this???). I feel relived that the plant is safe now....

Some butterflies find their way in this green house once they are done hopping from one flower to the other they want to fly away but the shed net does not allow them to, they fly back and forth but hit the net and as they cant come out they die eventually....they deserve it..i say (is it me saying this again??) who asked them to come.....???

A flock of sheep graze around in summer near the green house....its barren outside and lush green inside....they can just peep inside and envy....now they come to have the cream , its my hardwork i say all can't do this..(is it me again?????) a slight tinge of pride in my tone and with a trace of selfishness i imagine myself to a businessman in a true sense because my income means a lot, its hard work and so much sweat!!!!

I roll over again and think is this me???? Talking about big gains and big returns??? Ya one needs it, but at what cost??? And does one really need so much????Somebody comes to my doorstep and I shoo it off??? The sparrow trapped inside, actually it had full right to nibble on what ever it wanted..how much could that little one nibble??? Could it hamper my returns???? It had a small beak how much could it take??? The butterfly could suck a drop of honey and could have flown away happily, why had it to die suffocating???? The sheep could just nod their heads seeing the greens and then be happy with the browns outside????

WHY??? WHY is it like this??? Why is this world so selfish. How much do personal gains and false egos matter??? Remembered the story of Alexander....His last words before his death, "Bury my body, do not build any monument keep my hands outside so that the world knows the person who conquered the world had nothing in his hands when dying"
Its morning, I wake up....sit by the window side and think....Is it worth all this????

The green house, the butterflies, the sparrow, the sheep are all illustrations.....this all is our life...we all have so many relations some blood related some more than that. We knowingly/unknowingly take all this for granted. As we near the pinnacle of our achievement we have left scars on the near and dear ones.....how blinded we become when selfishness, ego and big returns are our priority.

I decide...i buy a small piece of land and plant the most beautiful tress for the sparrows, flowers for the butterflies and fruits for the sheep in abundance and invite all these and more at my place...this pleasure will pay me more than the swelling of my bank balance. I might be wrong as a businessman but still feel this is right because i want to remain a mere human first. Its my dream and i shall follow it!

Why its called sway wild lily

I go regular for a walk and as i walk i see many things around me, some simply touch me, some just don't, even if i try they don't.

Just one morning as i stroll pass a college i hear so load of giggles and laughter! My college days flash through my mind.....nice days i tell my self. I see a bunch of girls in their best attire and they are so beautiful, one better than the other. I decide to sit for sometime on the bench and watch them. These girls have well toned skin, short but neat hair...something done to their eyes so the eyes speak volumes and a slight makeup gives them a classy look. Nice!!! I say. They are so aware of their looks, I was not at that age. Do they ask their parents while doing changes in their hairdo like the way we used to ask?? whatsoever they are so pretty. They get everything....good food, good education...best of colleges, best of teachers and then they are on the way to being successful.
Compared this with the Dutch roses we see at the florist's place. These roses grown in green houses with the right temperature, the right quantity of water, the right nutrition marketed to the right people and they are valued high and these further adorn the best of rooms in the world. All so made up!!!!

I walk a little further. Its a big green pasture where i see a nomadic family tented for a night halt i suppose. I sit a little far from them and watch them. They hardly notice me. they continue with their chores. The man milking a goat while the baby goat is trying to stand between his mother legs and reach the mothers udder, the man while milking squeezes a few milk jets at the baby goat who looks so happy. The man bathes the kid literally with milk. Very cute...

Half a dozen hens around...two dogs lazed around the tent probably resting now after their night vigil.. and a timid looking cat somewhere taking her sun bath.

I look around to see the mans wife. I spot a young woman of perfect stature...her fit body ..a confident walk and she looked stronger from inside. She was draped in a nineyard saree ..the saree is soiled and very shabbily draped. Her hairdo undone, its lustrous, thick and healthy, her locks all over her face. Her big bindi flashes thru her locks and her big nose ring looks amazing. She's wearing many small tinklets in her ears which i cant notice from far...Her pallu a bit misplaced and she is not bothered as she is engrossed in making bhakri's for the household. The silver waist belt glitters on her torso as the sun rises............She suddenly looks towards the rising sun and as if a million lights flashed on her.........wow, How radiant and how glowing......beautiful naturally she looked. This beauty i had never seen.....
Compared this to the wild lily which a bit crushed swayed at my feet. So untamed, uncultivated, unblemished, so beautiful it looked. It was not artifical nor was it made up. Holding its head high, daring the sun and swaying in the wind. It took the sun, the wind the ones which crushed it as a challenge yet stood up so gracefully undeterred. It was just so pretty outside because ...........so was it from inside. Beautiful Simply!!!!

I deserve a tiara…. because I am worth it

I stand at my bus stop today at 8.15 to board the bus to office…yes panting, huffing…lost…and looking at those familiar faces who stand with me on the stop. After a couple of minutes I know I have not missed my bus and flick my daily newspaper and start reading from page 3. Its my regular practice…. might be plain jealous of how theses party animals get time for all this vanity?????? Today I watch some beauty pageant held and all the beauty’s sashaying down the ramp rather fluttering their stuff, all wanting to be winner of the pageant.

Skinny beauty’s’…showcasing their style and looks…but somehow I didn’t feel like saying ‘Wow!!!’ (Or was I green with envy???)

I just folded my paper, and thought about the mad morning rush till now from the time I woke up at 5.15am. Pulled my self out of the bed with great difficulty… then my Surya Namaskar, sweeping the house, rangoli on the doorstep, tea for all, ideas about what should I pack for my son’s tiffin ….for his snacks then his lunch…will he eat???? And yes I committed to my pregnant friend that I get dosas for her today…ok ok…all will be done….
So then I wear my virtual skates and start dashing to all I have to attend to. Its 6.30am. Enter the husband for tea…and it’s given, look out for some compliment from him. But nah! (I pat my shoulder and say he has forgotten to compliment. it was the best tea ever!!) Then the lunch part for son dear. potato sabji and chappati…he enters looks around. Grins, but at least I see a ray of hope in his eyes because he likes potatoes. Ok then, what for snacks?? Breakfast and my friend????? I could actually see her little baby looking at me.

Its 7.10am.
My son’s tiffin done by now…packed and ready for dispatch in his bag.
Now this unborn child who smiles sweetly at me …… waiting for my dosas’.’Yes dear now all the time for you’…. so a quick chatani with the ingredients that I have to put and can sense my mother giving instructions simultaneously…’yes yes’ I tell her I am doing it right.
One dosa after the other I start on the pan…4-5 dosas’ flicked by the husband and the son… in the mean time the tadka for the chutney…. done very carefully as I don’t want the green, the red chilies and the curry leaves to loose their color…..the baby in my mind…when I ask him/her would u like it this way????? Should I add some sugar???. It looks happy from now…so I feel more happy. I tell my self so what if the husband didn’t compliment my tea……the one who still not in this earth will like what I am making

Its 7.45am….
My friends tiffin packed……I dress up ..Start my scooter enroute my bus stop, I meet an old lady, my friend in her early eighties…I wait by to say a small hello and seek her blessings when she asks me why I have not combed my hair??? I realize it then…. but who cares. I reach my bus stop and its 8.05am…. cold as I can feel…my hands numb. Both the hands in my jacket pocket and I walk a small distance. When I meet another friend who awkwardly asks me why I had not combed my hair???? It’s this new hair cut which I tried and I cant mange at all…….. God how do people manage their so called well cut tresses??? I ask myself. There’s a two wheeler standing beside me..i slowly try a quick peep in the rear view mirror..to see my self….but stop myself midway and say..’who cares’….

The unborn winks at me from somewhere, .now that we are friends from morning….and I want to reach office faster to reach him/her. Only to sense him/her give me a genuine smile from all his heart.

These all thoughts while I still have page three and the beauty’s’ on it now under my elbow somewhat crushed…Feeling relieved that my hectic morning chores were completed without letting anyone down. On the way to office I think of the smile I’ll get from the unborn baby as the mother ravenously gulps the dosas’ and am sure that this unborn baby will put the winning tiara on me!!!! I Love you Little one

Catwalk on the highway

Well folks hold yr breath.....
Lets all take a trip in my car which was unexpected even for me....
It starts when I receive an early morning call from the club saying my brat has his matches at 3.30pm......'Gosh', i say 'how do i manage????'
Anyway..went to office and decided to come over early and take my boy on my two wheeler......
All set and i reach home, when my friend rings me up to tell, 'we have got a car with a driver so come to my place and we all go together'. Thank god i say....atleast i can have a nice one-an-a-half hour nap in the car. Thanking God for being so kind with me i reach her place. I park my two wheeler and see a nice whit color Maruti Wagon R modestly standing near the gate. I smile at it and blow kisses to God for been so kind in this sunny day by saving my two wheeler ride and the next hour and a half going to be royale'.

Me just started to taste this tip of the feeling when my friend hands over the car keys to me and says 'You have to drive today, the driver ditched'. Me flabbergasted??? 'what????me??' i yell at her. she more poised and composed says,' yes you and who else??' Three kids awaiting their matches pleading, 'Aunty please drive us down'.
I knew driving but not up to the mark (atleast that's what i think) though i possess a license.........and now out of the blue i drive a good 40kms one way means 80 kms both ways!!!!! Just look up to see God and call him for help when he just winks at me and says,' Last night u prayed for a car, didn't you???' Now go ahead.....' I say ' nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'
but all my yells and shouts of my inner most voices were on deaf ears.

I take the keys. open the door...seat my seat ...fidget with the belt when one of the kids help me to fasten it....slowly hold the steering and try to make friends with it.....and ignite the car.....lo!!! it started....should i really go ahead or call it quits....but the three kids with so much of expectations from me....i looked like a commander for a moment who alone could carry this regiment to victory.
My dear (???) friend who relied completely on my driving made her self comfortable next to me and the three kids behind....
Again looked up at the sky and asked for help when i saw HIM smile and say,' I just heard your pray'. Ok..i say i have many petitions pending in your court...no issue if this is honored.....and my drive starts.
Its a smooth start.....till i reach the National Highway and little short distance from my friends house.....a small truck coming from a wrong direction invites me to the highway....but i successfully steer the car and go my way.....its a good feeling to sit behind the steering which i always wanted to do.....till i don't have to apply my breaks. A little distance more when a big trailer tries to cross the road with its massive structure and i have to idle the car.....with million thoughts will this small engine stop now??/ and even if it stops will it start???? Oh Gosh....i change the gear and stop its not neutral i think its first gear.....but my son from being says 'mom get it on the first its third gear' How does he know sitting at the back and i don't when i can see it....anyway i thank him and accelerate it till the car driver next to knows that i am a first timer...and gives a disgusting look....who cares i say.....i on a mission to reach my kids to the club.......Again my drive starts.....my friend a Gujju....with her endless stories of Ahmedabad....and me only ha ...haa??? ha ha......what else does one expect??? i think i yelled again but within me.....nobody could hear.....

Two signals where green when i could reach them and again thanked the almighty for been kind with me....otherwise how cud i my car pick up again was my main worry. After driving a nice stretch of 8-9 kms ...and feel its smooth sailing suddenly the signal turns red and i halt...here i stop first...within seconds i know there's a huge troop of vehicles behind me.....But by now i have regained some confidence...so don't worry....well well the signal just turned green and i accelerate slowly trying to be an expert and what??? my car goes kaput???? It refuses to budge.....shit i say......Now what??? i can hear the rising decibels of honks happening behind me.......all in different harmony......but none sounded pleasurable....how can one????? I say enough is enough..ignite once again...half clutch..and accelerate.....and the car moves.......it actually works on the law on inertia.....God my physics just flashed back to school......Thanks i tell my physics teacher n roll away trying to be smooth......
Has an evil eye could be jealous on my success.....i take wrong turn...and now i have to reverse and take the other road...now now..trying with both my hands to shift it to reverse...but nah...just not happening......then comes a Messiah...my son...says, 'i help u mom' and....with butterly ease he shifts the gear to reverse and the other child looks behind to tell me that there's nobody behind and i can simply maneuver...Wow...i say how easy and probably alls done......all the kids were God sent angels to help me in disgise....blessed am i!!!!

As i am nearing the club....i have to an uphill to climb........the security guards stop me on this uphill and check the car for security reasons....well here i stop...after that how do i go further...the car goes reverse....i put the hand break and try again....but as He wishes...it was going reverse...but not ahead. Then somebody comes up to me...he was the driver of the car behind me..says 'Mam its easy...half clutch and accelerate'. I say "Yes Sir!!" and i could.......and i reach the club.

You never know who will come in the midst of the journey...or a red signal, or a reverse in life or in the most difficult uphill task to shoulder responsibility......for me all were God sent........I could with equal easy cat walk the car home with more confidence on this ramp with unforeseen responsibility laid on me successfully.